The inner workings of Facebook have always confused me. The social networking giant seems akin to the Keebler factory, yet with elves more sinister, and a shroud of secrecy that could rival the USSR. The cogs are always turning, and new features come frequently enough, but does anyone really know the factory works inside?

You see, Facebook has an algorithm and I have no clue what it is — a social networking question mark on par with fast food’s secret sauce.

In the olden days, we would trudge through five feet of snow just to comment on a picture, and we liked it that way. Sometimes, we would even be notified if our friends did the same. Of course, things got weird when Johny at Some University decided to comment on a picture that was three years old, because you’d be notified for that too. The powers that be decided this was weird too, and in their infinite wisdom, put an end to all those comments on the past.

The thing is, there are now some weird conditions in place that determine whether you’ll receive a notification on a picture, post or comment. For example…

• You will always receive notifications for comments on things you post.
• But after a certain period of time, comments on photos you have also commented on will no longer prompt notifications. This seems to vary depending on the number of people who have commented, the length of time since the last comment, and other variables.
• To make things more confusing, if you’re tagged in a picture, yet never comment, you seem to receive notifications regardless.

The apparent randomness of these occurrences makes me think that there may not even be an algorithm to comment notifications at all. I’ve heard rumours that Facebook staff use a brand of divination based upon cheese mold and the birthmarks found on baby kittens. It would explain a lot.

Now, this is all purely anecdotal. I’ve gone back to look at the notes and pictures of my friends from months past that have mysteriously acquired new comments – comments that I haven’t been notified for. Some of these comments have even been posted by reasonably good looking women. One might assume that Facebook’s mysterious algorithm is hindering my online relationships with the opposite sex.

But really, I just want my notifications back, and a peek at the the algorithm that makes this social beast tick. Is that too much to ask?

Episodes like this one are a gift, I think. A glorious gift bestowed upon myself and Anand from whatever lightening wielding aquatic deity inhabits our skies. Basically, it’s us at our finest – sans the tuxes, monocles, and not-so horrible caviar.

We talk about things this episode, much like we do with every other episode. Except these things are particularly interesting, and, dare I say, funny! This is the only podcast, after all, where you get to hear two grown adults talk about the finer points of game industry patents, and strange, self-inflicted paddling. So, if you are at all interested in the following: Zunes, runes, prunes, gaming, volts, jolts, world-domination, the internet, and the desire to make your Wii bigger; THIS EPISODE MAY JUST BE THE ONE YOU HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR.

Cliches abound this time as well. For the linguistically faint at heart, don’t say we didn’t warn you.

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Download [32.3mb]