Holy crap guys! All one thousand of our listeners were probably damn confused last week, because we definitely didn’t air. The last time we took a break was probably back in…the brave new world of 2009. I don’t even think Twitter was a thing in those days. Crazy. But seriously, I had some fancy surgery done to my gums, making speeching difficult, and the madness of E3 meant we decided to hold off for a bit. Good idea, too, because this episode is jam-packed with gaming goodness.

But you know what’s missing? Demers. That’s right, this is our first Demers-less podcast in a few weeks. The man was off fighting dragons and rescuing damsels, so we valiantly carried on without him. But at least he can take the segue torch next week as Anand will be going on vacation. That’s right folks — next week is the first Anand-less episode ever. We’ll struggle on, somehow.

Anyhow, there’s far too much game-related banter for me to list here, but rest assured, we give you the lowdown on Kinect, Move the Nintendo 3DS, and some of the fancy games that premiered this year. Who knows, maybe we’ll be reporting from the floor one of these days? Listen here, or at the Not So Much News. And in a few short weeks, on our new website too!

Length: 35:22
Close: Star Trek Theme — Maynard Ferguson
Download: 34.0 MB
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If you’re reading this, you probably know that today was iPhone announcement day for the Cupertino crew. Jobs and Co. announced their fancy new device, the iPhone 4, and we were on hand to get all the dirt. Of course, by on-hand, we mean tirelessly refreshing the blogs to gleam what juicy mobile nuggets we could. Except Demers. He’s a curmudgeonly fellow who is content with his Android. Guess he didn’t want to be one of the cool kids.

Otherwise, we talk a little about All Things Digital, or D8 as it’s called, the yearly tech roast where CEOs are posed tough questions for all the world to judge. Ballmer was there, as well as the Black Turtleneck himself, so you know it was bound to be a good time. Of course, you won’t really know how good until you listen in — either here, or at the Not So Much News!

Length: 35:02
Close: Merry Men — Robin Hood (2010) OST
Download: 33.6 MB
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Lots to talk about on today’s episode compadres, so lets get right into it. It’s not like you care about the bodies Anand’s been shuttling to the dump, or the toxic chemicals Demers has been leaching into our water supply anyhow. I’m just a class act, as usual.

• Anand gets his grubby paws on a MAGICAL and REVOLUTIONARY device, and now he’s started wearing turtlenecks and talking funny. I think he’s balding too.
• A friend of ours gave me a bricked T-Mobile G1 to try and resuscitate. It still doesn’t work. I feel like less of a man now.
• The AppleTV might be getting a refresh, complete with iPhone innards and cloud based storage. It may also be able to synthesize food, though “Tea. Earl Gray. Hot” support has yet to be confirmed.
• J. Allard, father of the Xbox, and Robbie Back, father of Anand’s illegitimate son, have left Microsoft leaving resident lunatic Ballmer in charge. Both shaped the current state of the company’s Entertainment and Devices division, and it’s unknown where the company’s now headed. Good then we’re around to DEBATE and SPECULATE. Sadly, that won’t bring our dear Courier back.
• Finally, things get serious as we talk Foxconn, the largest manufacturer of tech products in the world. Sure, all your Apple, HP, Nokia and Dell wares are made here, but it turns out the people doing the building are overworked, underpaid, and now committing suicide. A factory in China…who would’ve thought? Companies are pledging to fix the situation, but is it all talk? (Spoiler: Demers says yes)

And that’s that. We’re proud of today’s episode, like all the others, so listen here, or at the Not So Much News!

Length: 37:16
Close: Born Unto Trouble — Red Dead Redemption OST
Download: 35.8 MB
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We are Red and we are Dead. This is really all we’ve been doing all week, rustlin’ horses and hog-tying nuns. Such is life on the Wild West. It’s all we know, partner. But times are a changin’, dontcha know, just like the news. So without further ado:

• We talk about Rockstar Games’ awesome open world wild west adventure Red Dead Redemption quite a bit today. We’re sorry, but it’s just damn fun. And everyone loves a good western.
• Google had their annual I/O conference — you know, that time of year where they announce things that no one will use a few months from now are totally awesome? Oh, and theres Froyo. Delicious, succulent Froyo.
• GoogleTV. This warrants its own bullet point because it’s television, searchable by Google, and will apparently save us from the slums of current IPTV. All hail.
• Conan. I saw Conan. I talk about Conan. Demers and Anand listen to me talk about Conan. Conan.

Listen here, or at the Not So Much News!

Length: 37:11
Close: Apocalypse (Live) — Bear McCreary
Download: 35.7 MB
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For some, it’s a good week to be a cellphone user in Toronto. Of course, for others it’s also a bad week. And for myself, Anand and Demers, as Telus customers, it’s been a bad year. This is what happens when we all lock into contracts. Zing! Mobile news is this week’s podcast flavour, though we send some gaming tidbits your way as well. And if you’re a fan of Bollywood, I have it on good authority you’ll want to listen till the end.

• Mobilicity is Canada’s newest cellphone provider, though it only services a very limited slice of the GTA for now. We give you the lowdown on what they offer in terms of plans, phones and expectations.
• Rogers finally names their iPad data plans, and of course, there’s no unlimited to be found. Worse still, new owners can’t tether off their iPhone’s data plan either.
• People get nicer phones in the US, as usual. Anand travels down south and tells us of all the earthly delights.
• Bulletstorm is an over the top FPS parody with elements of Duke Nukem, Serious Sam, Borderlands and Epic Games goodness. You should all watch the trailer right about now.

Listen here, or at the Not So Much News!

Length: 32:48
Close: Haule Haule — Sukhwinder Singh
Download: 31.5 MB
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Our 42nd episode, and we don’t make a single Hitchiker’s joke. Quite frankly, I’m a little offended. I feel like we’ve failed as geeks. Luckily, we’ve got Comic Captain Matt Demers to keep us on course — this episode is all him. Listen as we wax eloquently about Iron Man 2, and all it’s triumphs and foibles, along with some other eReadery goodness too. We’ve also mixed the format up a little bit, so hopefully things will be a little more fun. And if not, Anand’s got some kneecaps to break. Namely, yours. Never doubt us. Meanwhile…

• According to Amerika, we’re just a hotbed of pirates — almost as bad as Russia, or even China. Canada: just a whole bunch of mans, pirating.
• iPads go up for preorder, Rogers decides 99.8% of customers don’t want unlimited data plans. Right.
• Nintendo says Apple, not Sony, is the real target these days. Never mind Apple’s relatively minuscule gaming market share or lack of first party titles — they’re the guys to beat

And that’s that. Listen here, or at the Not So Much News!

Length: 31:44
Close: I Am Trying to Break Your Heart — Wilco
Download: 30.5 MB
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Sometimes, there are those weeks when everything goes a little crazy. This week was one of those weeks. Numerous products were cancelled, other companies bought, and a few things announced. Meanwhile, Anand got his arm stuck in a vending machine and Demers slept all weekend. We had trouble keeping up. But without further ado…

• HP, out of nowhere, buys Palm. For 1.8 billion dollars. Huh. At least WebOS is staying put.
• Microsoft, out of nowhere, cancels its Courier multi-screen tablet concept. Or that’s the word on the street, anyhow. Either way, we’re sadenned to see one of the coolest pieces of tech we never had go.
• RIM, as expected, announced BlackBerry OS 6.0. Some of us still care, apparently. Perhaps it’ll run on the FANCY NEW TABLET they’re prepping. Or maybe RIM will just cease to exist by then.
• Infinity Ward is bleeding employees. The usual.
• Bungie and Activision team up for a 10-year publishing deal, and rights to Bungie’s new IP. A little bit crazy? Definitely. But let’s wait to see how this one pans out.

And that is it! This week was a blast, as per usual. And, as a bonus, here’s Swype on the Android:

Listen here, or at the Not So Much News!

Length: 32:31
Close: The Gun Pointed at the Head of the Universe — Halo OST
Download: 31.2 MB
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Forty episodes with these clowns, and all I got was this stupid podcast. You’d think we’d be rolling in money by now with our teeth dipped in gold, but that’s not how showbiz works, apparently. Nevertheless, we’re still alive, and still recording, and still reporting on all the newsworthy happenings of the week, INCLUDING:

• This was the motherlode of all leaks, as Dell’s entire line of upcoming phones was splayed across the internet for all to see. Engadget’s got a great roundup, though — shameless plug — I also wrote some things too on the subject.
• Like we didn’t see that one coming. Gizmodo’s being investigated by the police. Don’t purchase grey-market prototype phones, kids.
• Facebook launches it’s scary OpenGraph system which will keep track of everything you like, eventually crafting a strange, AI-infused avatar based on your online personality. The last bit isn’t true, but damn, would that ever be cool.
• Roger Ebert says that video games aren’t art. Once again, we find ourselves rebuking the curmudgeonly population among us.

And that is it! This week was a blast, as per usual. And, as a bonus, here’s Swype on the Android:

Listen here, or at the Not So Much News!

Length: 37:56
Close: Theme of Guile — Street Fighter IV
Download: 36.4 MB
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Another crazy week in tech means I’ve gone a little crazy myself. The sun is out, Summer’s practically here, and I haven’t yet threatened to shove Anand or Demers out an airlock yet. Relish those little victories. And now, the news:

• Some dude got a little too tipsy, and just happened to lose his prototype iPhone in a San Jose bar. Gizmodo’s done the full tear down, and needless to say, this guy probably isn’t an Apple employee any longer.
• Microsoft jumped into the phone biz early last week with it’s Kin One and Kin Two, a set of dumphones aimed at the Urban Outfitters Hipster demographic, which I DID NOT KNOW EXISTED.
• Palm might be sold, and we will all weep WebOS-sized tears
• NVIDIA and Intel aren’t getting along right now, which means Apple has to use Intel chips and NVIDIA graphics. That also means Apple had to develop it’s own version of Optimus, the smart, graphic-switching technology. Shocking!
• Finally, Infinity Ward is falling apart, Gears of War is coming out, and Pokemon Light and Dark/Sun and Moon/Black and White were announced last week.

Listen here, or at the Not So Much News!

Length: 39:32
Close: Miles Runs the Voodoo Down – Miles Davis
Download: 38.0 MB
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“The one area in which the success of Halo 1 was totally surprising to us, and completely changed how we thought about Halo 2, was LAN parties,” says Butcher. “We never really thought that people would do a lot of playing Xbox multiplayer on LAN, even though people in our office played it all the time… Well, it only worked five weeks before we shipped the game, but in those five weeks we played a lot of Halo multiplayer!”

“We had a lab full of Xboxes on a LAN, so we played 16-player CTF every single afternoon,” Griesemer remembers. “It was fun, so this was what we designed for – but when we shipped, the vast majority of our fans never got to experience that. They were playing four-player split-screen on the smallest maps. There was a total disconnect.”

“We looked at the small set of fans who were able to do this,” continues Butcher, “and just how much they were enjoying themselves, and asked ourselves if we could bring that to everybody. That would be something really special, really unique.”

The Xbox was the first console I actually bought. Sure, I had owned a Sega Genesis and Super Nintendo and a myriad of other consoles as well, but this was the first I actually funded with my own, hard-earned money. There was something about that small detail of ownership at the time that made my gaming experience much different.

In my last years of elementary school, everyone had an Xbox. Looking back, I must have lived in a small, quirky part of town where Playstation hadn’t taken hold. But as a result, that was all we played. It was Xbox at my house, Xbox at a friend’s house. It was only natural we discovered that little Ethernet port sitting inconspicuously on the back of the console.

Owning my Xbox meant that I could take it wherever I wanted. So when I went to a friend’s house, it came with me. I learned how to turn a vanilla Ethernet cable into a crossover cable at the age of 12. We’d hook our consoles together, somehow drag a giant CRT into the basement, and play. That situation that Griesemer talks about? That was us. Playing 8, 12 or even 16 player Halo was the only way I played that game, for the longest time.

To this day, I’m still convinced that mutliplayer in Combat Evolved is the best of the Halo series. I’ll try, now and then, to get my current friends to play. But it’s really not the same. Combat Evolved was a game built for LAN, built for us dozen teenagers huddled in a basement. Perhaps its just nostalgia for a decade past, but I haven’t had a gaming experience like that since.

The above quote is from a Eurogamer article “Better Than Halo: The Making of Halo 2″

I’m convinced that, if Apple ever ceased to exist, we would have nothing to talk about. I mean, it’s not like there’s real tech news going on elsewhere, right? But that’s not the pont! iPhone OS 4.0 is here, and myself, Captain Capacitor and Mike the TV are here to lead you safely through this brave, new tech world. Or not, since we all seem to have some choice words on the matter. You’ll just have to tune your fancy old radios to our broadcast to find out.

As well, we’ve got a few science-related nuggets for you, with Morocco planning to turn half its country to solar by 2020, and Anand’s trip to see Hubble in 3D. Because, as we all know, there’s really no other way to truly view a space telescope.

Listen here, or at the Not So Much News!

Length: 36:28
Close: Nausea – Beck
Download: 33.2 MB
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Things were slow this week. I watched a squirrel gather nuts in my backyard for a half hour, and then emptied a jar of honey, just for a good measure. There just really wasn’t much to report on.

I mean, this thing called the iPad came out, but who cares? No one. There really wasn’t much news coverage. It was pretty low-key as far as launches go. I’m not really sure what we talked about on this episode anyhow, so you’ll have to listen in to find out. I think our good friend Stephen Hanbury might have made an appearance. I was too busy tying my shoes in different lacing patterns.

I hope you know we’re kidding. There’s 40 minutes of pure, iPady goodness in here, with everything we hated, and everything we liked. It’s a wellspring of information, so if you don’t know what all the hype is about, we’ve got you covered. Listen here, or at the Not So Much News!

Length: 41:10
Close: More than a feeling – Boston
Download: 39.5 MB
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Savour the moment people, for this is our last week pre-iPad. The world will be very different in just a few short days. Water will taste different. Cats will become more friendly. Anand may finally be let past border security with only a light frisking. This is the hope.

But before we face the unstoppable deluge of Apple fanboyism, we’ve got some real news to talk about this week. Special guest and troubadour Brian Liu is on the show, dropping knowledge and giving us all Kindle envy. Topics of note include:

• Nintendo announced their upcoming handheld refresh, the Nintendo 3DS, in a very quiet fashion. I think the news broke in the dead of night. Did they really think we wouldn’t notice?
• Anand and Demers join forces in their hatred of Telus. Can’t say I blame them. I long for the day when we won’t speak ill of a telcom company.
• eReader prices are going down, which means us laggards might actually be able to afford one, finally. Brian, on the other hand…
• The Wall Street Journal thinks we’re going to pay $17.99 per month for a digital subscription — you know, on top of our $29.99 data plans.
• Finally, remember all that Android platform fragmentation we bitched about? That’s a big string of words, so I’ll forgive you if you don’t. Either way, Google says they’ve got a plan to fix it. Demers and about five other users care. (Zing!)

Listen here, or at the Not So Much News!

Length: 31:29
Close: God of War III Overture — Gerard Marino (GOW III OST)
Download: 30.2 MB
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Compadre and amigo-in-training Matt Demers returns for what is becoming a regular gig here at the Not So Horrible podcast. I’m not sure how I feel about that. There’s less toilet paper now, for one.

Otherwise, we hope you like phones, because there’s a lot of that junk going on today. Big ones, small ones, creepy ones and ones that don’t get timely updates, much to Demers’ chagrin. Talking points include:

• Palm’s in trouble. Which is a shame, because they’ve got a damn nice product in WebOS. Nevertheless, the company’s bleeding money, and we’ll tell you why.
• Shots of RIM’s BlackBerry OS 6.0 leak out, or so we’re told. I climb onto my soapbox and tell you why RIM’s heading downhill too.
• Windows Phone 7 Series, people. New details from Microsoft this week, and some interesting app store tidbits.
• Nexus One is finally available to Canadians, and works on all providers, contrary to what Rogers wants you to think.
• And finally, nobody loves Demers, Telus included. Android 2.1 is delayed for the time being, and there’s no ETA on its release. So much for mobile March Madness, eh?

Listen here, or at the Not So Much News!

Length: 34:05
Close: Hyrule Field (Orchestral version) – Koji Kondo (Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess OST)
Download: 32.7 MB
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We seem to be on a roll here, because it’s episode 33, and we’ve got yet another guest. This time it’s columnist extraordinaire Matt Demers, who has, in fact, graced our fine podcast before on a few select episodes. His self-imposed exile is over now, however, so he joins myself and THE RAM this week for more crazy hi-jinks and shenanigans.

Things are looking pretty light this week, so here goes:

• Ars Technica is pleading you not block their ads. Apparently that – surprise – prevents online sites from earning money! Demers weighs in.
• The Oscars went down last night. We talk a few of our favourite films, and what should/shouldn’t have won – for a little while, at least. We’re still a tech podcast. For the most part.
• Is Google’s Android fragmenting its OS, and as a result, it’s market share? It’s more interesting than it sounds, I swear. At least listen for the shiny, Apple-related mention.
• In what is probably the most pressing question of this episode: how long did Frodo’s journey take in the Lord of the Rings? I wish I could entice you to listen and find out, but we didn’t know either. It’s actually three. Damn.

Listen here, or at the Not So Much News!

Length: 34:23
Close: The New Dork – Entrepreneur State of Mind
Download: 33.0 MB
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We’re a few days late, but we trust you’ll forgive us. The extra time was spent sorting a bag of M&M’s based on flavour. It’s the sort of thing required when trying to get a SUPERSTAR SCREENWRITER like DANNY VIOLA on the show.

Luckily, we won out in the end, and our good friend Danny is the second guest on our fine little series. As if we weren’t already HILARIOUS ENOUGH, Danny brings a little extra wit, and a lot more chest hair than you’re used to. In fact, some might believe a gorilla is guesting on the show. However, this is not the case — the zoo has stopped returning our calls.

What’s in this week’s latte of wisdom?

• Apple lays the smack down on HTC, serving the asian company with not one, not two, but TWENTY patent violations. Juicy details include infringement upon the iPhone’s slide-to-lock functionality and multitasking. Watch out, Android.
• Sony, in a gaffe of millennial proportions, sends Playstation phats to the year 1999. The problem first appeared on February 29th. Which is, in fact, the problem.
• Infinity Ward’s bigwigs are out job-hunting, and Activision’s floating Death Star is to blame.
• A new Halo: Reach multiplayer beta trailer has been released, and by jove, is it ever filled with GRADE A CERTIFIED AWESOME.
• Our on-air adventure with Chatroulette, Trust us, it’s as bad as it sounds. But also HILARIOUS.

And that’s that. Danny’s exemplary performance has saved him from the stake — this time. He’s still a witch, after all, and must be burned eventually.

Listen here, or at the Not So Much News!

Length: 29:28
Close: Prelude – Christophe Beck (The Lightning Thief OST)
Download: 28.3 MB
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Episode 31, and the apocalypse has yet to arrive. Quite frankly, I’m a little disappointed. Nevertheless, we must soldier on here at podcast HQ, and solider on we shall. Some strands of thinking from today’s off-the-cuff adventure include:

• Anand plays the Heavy Rain demo, and, unsurprisingly, we talk about it.
• I go to a swanky Microsoft Silverlight party and, unsurprisingly, talk about it.
• I run out of water mid-way through the podcast. This was not discussed.
• Microsoft and Yahoo are now some giant search conglomerate, which means Cylons are not far behind.
• The internet killed Gordon Lightfoot for a few hours last Thursday. Hoaxes can be dangerous, kids.
• Finally, it’s New Year’s Eve, and HTML5 is the innocent little baby preparing to beat Old Man Flash into submission — OR IS IT?

Length: 30:40
Close: Panoramic – Atticus Ross (Book of Eli OST)
Download: 29.4 MB
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I’m a DJ now, apparently.

Download: 7.9 MB

I’ve been playing the Heavy Rain demo a lot lately. While I won’t ruin things for Anand’s sake, I will tell you that I’ve started to view real world objects in a new light. Punching my keyboard should magically produce coffee. Waving my mouse above my head like a wildman should, theoretically, allow me to produce swiss cheese from my pockets. The game is making me do strange, ungodly things to my Playstation’s controller, and now that habit is spreading to other devices.

Which is exactly what we’ll be talking about on today’s magical 30th show. It’s taken a lot of elbow grease and unicorn blood to get this far, but by jove, did we ever do it in style. So without further ado…

• Holy crap, did Microsoft ever unveil a winner today with Windows Phone 7 Series. Never mind the clunky name — this is exactly what needed to happen to the aging mobile platform
• X10 also happened, which is basically Microsoft’s Xbox PR bonanza. Goodies include Alan Wake and Fable news
• I play Heavy Rain on the PS3, while Anand laments the still-downloading demo on his own console
• Microsoft apparently decided they weren’t willing to ship the US Army a huge shipment of Xboxes — something about fearful parents having their children playing the same games as trained soldiers. Are you as confused as I am?
• Google Buzz. What the buzz is it, and why should we care?

And that’s that. It’s a pretty Microsoft heavy episode, but that’s just how these things work out sometimes. We haven’t quite sold out…yet.

Length: 36:31
Close: Wolf Suite Pt. 1 – Danny Elfman (Wolfman OST)
Download: 35.1 MB
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Me and Anand have descended from our treetop houses once again to bring you this week’s episode of the Not So Horrible podcast. The monkeys were particularly feisty this week, and the vines secreted some sort of strange goo all over my khakis. But luckily, the water taxi was on time, and we made it to the shortwave radio with only minor discomfort.

Note to self: bring back monkey repellent.

Having spent all our money on Khaki-specialty dry cleaning, we couldn’t afford paper this week. Thus, today’s episode is being brought to you with little to no planning whatsoever. This is probably for the better — the trees have taken root in our inkwells. Talking points include:

• The Super Bowl comes to town. We pretend we actually watch sports. Pigs everywhere worry for their skin for yet another year.
• We discuss Caprica, the new, hit teen drama! It’s like 90210 in space. But not quite. In fact, not at all. It’s a Battlestar Galactica spin off, you fools. With wallpaper I can’t stop looking at.
• I finished Mass Effect. In unrelated news, 2007 called — they want my computer back.
• Anand plays Oblivion all day and forgets to take out the trash again.
• Finally, we talk Project Tentacle Titan, Facebook’s rumoured webmail platform. With over 400 million users worldwide, this could be the platform that ensnares us all.

Length: 32:49
Close: M4 Part II – Faunts (Mass Effect OST)
Download: 31.5 MB
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Life after the iPad. Things are strange. Food tastes differently. I can’t look at my wife the same anymore. She doesn’t even have GPS. Sigh.

Alas, we’ve managed to lurch forward here at the Not So Horrible podcast, as me and Anand take a look at life in the AfterPad. Adobe’s had some choice words for the Turtlenecks over in Cupertino, who are none to pleased at the lack of Flash support. Fujitsu, meanwhile, claims the iPad trademark is rightfully theirs. It’s the sort of stuff Judge Reinhold would be all over.

But in other, non-Apple news:

• REM may be the only ones to put a man on the moon any time soon — Obama’s restructuring NASA’s funding, and the space agency is none too pleased
• Ubisoft’s approach to DRM? The internet. You’re going to have to be online to play, folks. I don’t know if this counts as a solution.
• Mass Effect 2 is out. Gamers, rejoice!
• Twitter and texting, brking ur grmmr? That’s what some University Prof’s think. I guess they weren’t reading The Star six years ago when they wrote the exact same article.

And that’s that. Quite frankly, I’m glad all this Apple business is over and done with. However, there will always be a part of me that wishes my wife could speak to satellites. You’re safe for now, TomTom.

Length: 38:32
Close: The Illusive Man – Mass Effect 2 OST
Download: 37.0 MB
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CAUTION: REALITY DISTORTION FIELD AHEAD

This is a warning. If you do not like Apple, or do not wish to further indulge in the Padocalypse, then proceed no further. Here be dragons. And crushed dreams. And, of course, the iPad.

This is Apple’s “latest creation,” a 9.7 inch tablet that is, in essence, eight iPhones taped together. Notable features include:

• A capacitative, multi-touch screen — perfect to showcase your grubby fingerprints to friends and family
• A custom, Apple-made 1GHz A4 chip, whatever that means. Moles are investigating.
• FLAVOURS, as long as your idea of flavours is 16, 32 or 64GB
• Wifi in all models, and 3G in the more expensive kind, with GPS, internal compass and ALL THAT JAZZ
• iPhone OS 3.2 — pretend you have invented an anti-shrink ray device, and amaze your friends with your “new, larger phone”
• Fancy applications, from the likes of EA, the New York Times and a mobile version of iWork
• eBooks, in an iTunes like platform. Which, by the way, also includes an actual mobile iTunes.

AND SO MUCH MORE. Which, of course, we talk about. Because it wouldn’t be a product release party if me and Anand didn’t tear it to shreds, and give you the lowdown on what we love and hate. After all, it’s just the sort of stuff we like to touch upon. Ahem.

Length: 32:42
Close: Demon Days [Instrumental] – Gorillaz
Download: 31.4 MB
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I’m not sure what it is, exactly. There’s something about this hour that always gives me good ideas. It’s that time of day where I’m half-asleep, only partially-lucid, and the flood gates open and ideas pour forth. It’s not unwelcome, however. I figure the lack of sleep will, in the long run, translate into an excellent idea. It’s never failed me in the past. Here’s hoping this latest idea is no different Time to pitch away.

Via Reddit user kleinbl00.

It always fascinates me reading things like this, because it blows my mind to think of what sort of things I’ll be able to tell my kids in twenty years time. Hell, I’ve been using computers all my life. 15 years may not seem like much, but the archaic stuff I used to do still amazes me. There was a time when I installed Microsoft Office over a parallel cable onto an old Intel 486 machine. It only had a floppy drive. The install would take over three hours.

And I still remember setting up AOL for the very first time, probably when I was about 7. My parents finally caved, what with the spindle of AOL CDs now sitting on our desk. I actually know what Gopher is too, and used it extensively at the Ryerson Library in the late nineties when my mum went back for her Masters. I don’t think anyone actually misses it.

I’m one of the last to ever hold a floppy disk. I once used Zip drives. And the weird thing is, my kids won’t know what the hell I’m on  about.

I love photography. I love lighting. Bliss.

Over Skype one evening, Hector Martin tells a story of the Playstation 2.

A group of hackers discovered a serious exploit that allowed unofficial — or, homebrew — software, to be run on the console. Unlike previous hacks, a memory unit and some software trickery was all that was required to make it happen. It wasn’t long before the pirates could do the same as well.

Sony, of course, was not amused. Due to the system’s design, the problem remained for months, unresolved until a new hardware revision could be pushed out the door.

But that was then.

This generation, there is no Playstation 2. Gone are the days when a device was hacked, and stayed that way for good. Instead, we live in a world where online updates are routine — where hackers hack, and exploits are found, but holes are plugged with ease.

Martin — now known by his online handle, Marcan — has since moved on. Administrator of Wiibrew.org, a repository of homebrew software and a development wiki for the Nintendo Wii, the computer science student has become a prominent hacker in the console’s community.

But compared to the Playstation, it’s clear that times have changed; in the war on piracy, a bug used by hackers is just as easily used by pirates.

Piracy’s wanton disregard for gaming copyright is an attitude absent in the homebrew community. It is instead replaced by the fierce creativity of its developers, and the curious minds of its hardware engineers – a sure sign that, while their methods may be similar, their intentions are most certainly not.

After all, homebrew by itself does little to hurt the console market — but with profits on the line, no hole remains unplugged. The constant battle with pirates to keep game consoles secure has left hackers and developers caught in the crossfire. And in the corporate world, it has become increasingly hard to tell the two groups apart.

But, as some point out, it is not impossible.

As consoles have changed, so too have the communities that surround them. According to one hacker I spoke with, there aren’t more gamers, and there aren’t more gaming consoles — but there are more hackers. It’s a changing dynamic, and one that has altered the way we think of our systems.

And if gaming companies listened, they might just learn something.

———

For members of the Wii Homebrew community, Bushing is something of a pioneer, a member of the team responsible for first exploiting the Wii. But he is also a software engineer with a big player in the computing industry, and it is here that a woman’s voice can be heard.

She is pleasant, yet there is a hint of frustration in her tone.

“This is our second time trying to reach you, so the ball is in your court,” says Jodi Daugherty, Director of Anti-Piracy at Nintendo of America, in a message on Bushing’s phone.

“We’re certainly not going to do any sort of email exchange. So do give us a call back.”

Bushing is part of Team Twiizers, their group aptly titled for the nature of their first Wii hack — carried out with a pair of tweezers, no less. The group is, in many ways, a dark horse of console hacking, and the most visible force in the Wii’s homebrew community. Most of its members are software engineers, students, and programmers, all of which are more interested in documenting than downloading.

But in spite of this, Twiizers is not a team Nintendo has looked kindly upon.

“We love the Wii as a platform, and work hard to avoid contributing to the piracy problem,” Bushing explained in one email to Nintendo. “It seems that the ethical thing to do is to inform you when we have found something that would only be harmful to our favourite console.”

What Team Twiizers found was an exploit, and the very same used to install homebrew software on the Wii. Yet, under the right circumstances, the bug could have proved potentially dangerous for certain Wii owners who chose to update their console after modification.

This email was the first of many, an attempt at “good faith” to show that Twiizers, unlike other hacking groups, meant no harm to the console’s gaming community. It would be over four months until they received a reply — and only then, after Nintendo’s lack of response was called out publicly by Bushing on his blog.

But in trying to reach out to the company, he found Nintendo’s eventual reply less than civil.

“She actually wanted to try and talk on the phone about this stuff, and I told her I wasn’t comfortable,” says Bushing of Daugherty’s eventual response. But it wasn’t until much later that he discovered the voicemail left on his phone.

“They went through the trouble of figuring out my real name, figuring out where I worked, and then leaving me voicemails at work. So it was actually a pretty negative experience. They were trying to intimidate us.”

Daugherty refused to comment on the exchange. Yet, she did explain that Nintendo tries to approach both homebrew developers and “the other community that is trying to download and play illegal software,” very differently.

She says the company’s WiiWare service is an excellent way for independent developers to produce content for the system, without resorting to hacks or exploits. Yet the barrier to entry can be high, and the service lacks any semblance of openness many in the homebrew community prefer.

Ultimately, services like WiiWare are only part of the solution, and do little to address the negative attitude that continues to surround the console hacking population.

“Maybe it’s better to look at it as a loss of control issue,” continues Bushing. “They see both piracy and homebrew as being a loss of control over the platform, so they treat the two as the same.”

Martin, also a member of Team Twiizers, is inclined to agree. When all is said and done, it’s encounters like those with Daugherty that make the most impact in the homebrew community.

“Personally,” he says, “I would’ve felt that I was being treated like a pirate.”

———

Undoubtedly the biggest gaming event of the year, Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 was released on November 10th — for most gamers, anyway. Leaked to the masses via Bitorrent almost two weeks prior, many users had already finished the game by the time it hit stores. The incident left Microsoft livid, Infinity Ward fuming, and some 360 hackers particularly upset.

“The reason why I hate piracy is that people take it for granted that any hack will give them free games,” says one anonymous hacker who has worked on the 360. “They don’t care for the technical background. They don’t care for the process of hacking. They don’t care for the joy of dumping a bootrom. They just want their games for free.”

What makes these systems so attractive is the potential power locked within. While the Playstation 3 and Xbox 360 have very powerful processors, some believe in the possibilities that exist beyond gaming.

Otherwise, “it’s similar to setting up the newest high-end computer, and then installing nothing else than a text-processor”.

It situations like this that makes it difficult to blame Microsoft, or anyone else, for responding to hackers – good or bad – with such hostility. According to Martin, once a system’s security has been broken, there’s no longer a way to verify what is being run; code is code, whether it be a pirated game or media player. And while legitimate uses are possible, piracy is just as likely, making it very difficult to separate the two. But not impossible.

“Sony almost pulled it off,” explains Martin. “I mean, you can get homebrew on a PS3 because they endorse it, and [as a result] you can’t do piracy.”

What the Playstation 3 has is Linux — at least, in pre-slim models. By allowing access to most of the system’s hardware, Sony may have been doing themselves a favour. Hackers have found little need to exploit the platform, as the system is nearly open by default. Instead, attentions have turned to other, more worthwhile conquests, making piracy on the Playstation a non-issue.

“They’ve actually taken a lot of the wind out of the sails of pirates,” Bushing notes.

“And granted, it’s not a full environment, but it’s enough to keep them from really banding together and trying to tear everything down. So Sony obviously made this decision pretty high up and earlier on.”

It’s just the sort of decision that Michael Steil, founder of the Xbox Linux and Free60 projects, hopes will become increasingly commonplace amongst console manufacturers. And ironically, it may be the competing Playstation 3 that sets the bar for future Xbox models.

“Sony has learned from their past consoles. With the Playstation 3 … I saw a very steady progression,” Steil explains.

And as consoles become increasingly complex, and their functions more varied, Steil believes hacking may actually play a lesser role in their use. By encouraging a shift to open access, it’s not so much that hacking will become harder, but perhaps, it may no longer be required.

“With Microsoft, for the first Xbox, they didn’t talk to anyone. For the second Xbox, they started talking to people, and understood the Sony approach — that opening it up a little might actually help.”

———

It’s now the beginning of October, and Nintendo has pushed what is to be a routine update for the Wii. System menu 4.2, they say, “provides behind-the-scenes fixes that will not affect features but will improve the overall system performance.”

For most, the update goes smoothly. Yet, a number of console owners find that their overall system performance has not been improved as promised. Quite the contrary, in fact — some of these owners find their updated Wii’s inoperable. Bricked.

Nintendo blames the hackers, and the hackers blame Nintendo.

“What scares me, is that means there is a much higher number of modified systems out there, or had illegal software,” Daugherty explains to me in an interview. “That would be the only time, other than if there was an isolated instance with consumers, where the system would act differently.”

Bushing, however, thinks differently. He believes the issue lies with the Wii’s bootloader, and a buggy piece of update code that, under certain circumstances, can result in a bricked system.

“It’s a lie, and I’m disappointed in Nintendo for trying to make this claim,” says Bushing. “It’s not supported by evidence.”

Considering unmodified consoles have been affected too, Daugherty’s explanation appears to holds little water. The hackers may be right, yet Nintendo refuses to listen.

When Steil founded the Xbox Linux project in 2002, he was unaware of just how much the team’s actions would eventually impact modern console development. Many of the exploits and bugs found on the original Xbox remained unresolved by the software giant’s engineers – a time where “Microsoft had [no] awareness of what security on the internet, or any security at all” meant, says Steil.

Today, however, is a different story.

“For the Xbox 360 hack, we contacted Microsoft before releasing the hack, because we didn’t know how their reaction would be. After all, we did break their core security,” says a hacker who would later work with Steil on the Free60 project.

“In the end, they have been very cooperative. They allowed us to talk to an engineer, which allowed them to fix the problem before we released the hack. That was the downside, but they basically gave us an informal ‘ok’ to release the hack – which, on the other hand, was exactly what we wanted.”

And coincidentally, it was the same thing Bushing wanted too – something Nintendo failed to provide.

Microsoft refused to comment, but in this case, actions speak louder than words. It’s clear that the dynamic between hackers and the gaming industry is beginning to shift; the homebrew community, once a dangerous enemy, may now be a worthwhile friend.

“Sure, some hackers enjoy enabling piracy,” explains one hacker in the community.

“But most of us just like working with our game consoles, and because we probably don’t enjoy games as much as other people do, we need to develop our own way of having fun with the system.”

And much as white hat hackers found legitimacy in the online world, perhaps the hackers of console gaming will enjoy a similar status.

The gaming industry just needs to listen.

“From what we can see today, Nintendo is one generation behind — not just with their hardware, but also with their mindset,” says Steil.

“Microsoft understood that they have to talk to the hackers. And Nintendo’s behind. So maybe next time, Nintendo will start talking.”

Two men, one mic. Me and Anand are either the world’s worst standup comedians, or once again hosting the Not So Horrible podcast together, in person. If you chose the latter, good for you. If you chose the former, you are a special sort of person to willingly withstand that sort of torture.

Undoubtedly burnt-out from the magic of CES, there’s been few happenings in the tech world this week. But exciting stuff, nonetheless. Google’s made the decision to pull out of China, Rockstar games is facing some employment accusations, and Ubisoft is bringing yet another Assassin’s Creed to stores this year. We talk all this and more, so come along for one of the best shows yet of twenty-ten!

Length: 33:13
Close: Shampoo Suicide – Broken Social Scene
Download: 31.9 MB
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…there’s a skull embedded in your head! – Dr. Zoidberg

Deathly illness is not conducive to writing. Not one bit. You know that old circus gag where a whole bunch of frumpy looking clowns climb out of a small little Volkswagen clunker? Yeah. That’s what I’ve felt like all week. Except those clowns are climbing into my head, one by one, breaking all the vases and fragile bits. Understandably, I have the greatest headache in the world.

However, being bedridden most of yesterday, I now know far more about the 1980s, sock manufacturing, chloroform and cats than I probably ever wanted to know. Thank you, Wikipedia, and your tendency to rope in vulnerable geeks like me, hook, link and sinker.

In case you’ve been living in a fridge, you might not know that me and the Captain have been pretty psyched about that whole CES thing. The Consumer Electronics Show, held each year in Las Vegas, showcases the newest and coolest technology set to hit the market in the next few weeks, months and years. While I’ve blogged about it a few times this week, the show is finally over, which means we can both return to our regularly scheduled sleeping patterns. It probably doesn’t help that Las Vegas is three hours in the past.

Big themes this year?

• 3D. Everyone and their dog had some sort of 3D setup this year, with everything from televisions to games all showing off the newest industry craze — or, in our case, fad. Also, we talk about our hatred for clunky 3D eyewear.
• E-readers. This e-ink business has finally reached critical mass, with all sorts of people pushing out e-readers left, right and center. Big companies — Hearst and their Skiff come to mind — and small companies alike are trying to make e-readers more accessible to the masses, while building on the Kindle’s success. Exciting times.
• Tablets. Apple is set to release a tablet. It will change the world. Cancer will be cured, the starving will be fed, and the masses will rejoice. But don’t expect everyone else to take that news lying down. Microsoft has partnered with the likes of HP to put out a fancy new Slate device, while Dell is contemplating their own. By the way, what’s the difference between a tablet and a slate anyhow?

Oh, and there’s some MAG impressions to be had at the end of the ‘cast too, courtesy our new Forward Thinking segment. For all the usual fun and games, listen in to our CES recap, both here and at the Not So Much News!

Length: 36:17
Close: Discombobulate – Hans Zimmer (Sherlock Holmes OST)
Download: 34.8 MB
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Harper’s made few friends with his parliamentary prorouge. Now The Economist has joined the fray, the latest publication to bash the Prime Minister’s troubling move. This is, in fact, a big deal. It proves that Harper’s antics are now more than just national spectacle. This is a democracy after all, but the man is playing by his own rules.

Harper’s Conservatives have never been team players. This is nothing new. Forcing an election for a pipe-dream majority? And now, proroguing in the face of opposition challenge? Life as usual in the Conservative camp. Previous Prime Ministers have prorogued as well, and this is all the justification Harper needs.

With 63 bills off the table, and a government of angry MPs, Harper’s so-called vacation better damn well be worth it.

For the past two years I’ve given into this strange tradition we called “resoultions” and tried my hand at keeping some promises. Stupid, really. We really give ourselves no other incentive to succeed, other than our own perseverance. According to science, this is a skill few people have — when it comes to New Years, we put out really big sticks with a baby carrot on the end.

I originally had a few paragraphs written here that explained things in a much longer fashion. But really, who needs that? Let’s cut the shit. I have but two things in mind for this year — take some great pictures, and write more than ever before.

Update: Well, what do you know. Seems my online journalism course requires me to blog as well. I’ll probably syndicate a few of them over here. This means you can enjoy more weird and wonderful posts on things I don’t normally talk about. Enjoy it while it lasts!

And this is why I’m fat. Throw in a little fruit, and damn, is it ever delicious though.

I fear that my iPod is in its death throes. It’s doing that thing where it clicks a little bit here and there; I think it would rather be a woodpecker than a hard drive. Today, songs that normally contained music suddenly had none, and I would be booted back to the album menu with nary a sound. It’s depressing.

It still works for now, however, but sporadically. What a shame that every Apple product I’ve owned has begun to fall apart after a year. Convenient, considering it’s just outside of warranty range.

For the sake of irony, I should note that my Sony Walkman still plays CDs like it’s 1996.

Fermi is NVIDIA’s next generation of desktop and notebook GPUs, which the company hopes will finally give them a leg up on the competition. If you’ve been hiding in a cave, you may not know that ATI has been wiping the floor clean with NVIDIA’s abysmal GPUs for the past year, and it hasn’t been pretty. Compounded by delays, and supposed production difficulties, NVIDIA’s current journey has not been an easy one. Fermi is supposed to change all that.

The problem is, nobody knows how. Today’s keynote was dominated by Tegra 2, the company’s next generation mobile and portable graphics chipset, in addition to a curious partnership with vehicle manufacturers. The GF100 – the first Fermi card announced – was given but a brief mention towards the end of the show, much to the dismay of gamers and hardware enthusiasts. NVIDIA said the card would be shown on the show floor, but information has been scarce thus far. However, one CES attendee overhear the following:

“Performance numbers are hard to come by on the GeForce GF100, but we overheard someone saying that it is around 36% faster than ATI’s Radeon HD 5870. When asked to confirm the number, NVIDIA could not comment. We also heard a rumored launch date of March 2nd, 2010 from various people at the show, so it looks like the graphics card is close to coming out.”

Of course, with none of this yet to be confirmed by NVIDIA, and no benchmarks to show for it, this can only be taken with a grain of salt. NVIDIA’s lack of comment is concerning, especially with ATI so far ahead. However, like others, the graphics giant may simply be waiting for GDC in March to drop the full Fermi experience – logical, considering the rumoured launch date is that same month. While it may be hard to say for sure, the fact remains clear that NVIDIA needs to do something, and do it fast.

CES is the yearly Consumer Electronics Show, held in some large, glass compound in the city of Las Vegas. It’s the time of year when nerds, geeks, engineers and journalists all gather under one enormous roof to show off the latest and greatest technology. However it is only a matter of time before these things become sentient. Gadgets at CES that will ultimately kill us all include…

• It may look like a TV, but in reality, this is a godless killing machine prepared to tear you limb from limb. One can only assume this is the next step in nature’s evolutionary plans, as an Arctic spokesperson said to expect more of these models in 2010. Just don’t ask if he does 1080p – you’d be a little touchy too if there was a television embedded in your abdomen.
• Parrot has created what they like to call a flying “quadrocopter,” named the AR.Drone. It is controlled by an iPhone. It is also just a tad creepy. This flying device has the ability to be remotely controlled over wifi, and can beam back captured video to the device’s pilot. The Drone can also work autonomously, as seen in this CES demo video – and quite frankly, it’s only a matter of time before that thing finds our fleshy meat a lot more interesting than any old can of Coke. Like ants, it only takes five of these to whisk you away to their nefarious nest.
• New for this year’s show are so-called razor-thin TVs – millimeter thick televisions from the likes of LG and Sony that, upon further inspection, actually draw blood. While these subservient time-sucks remain contented on your tables and cabinets for now, a taste of sweet, sweet autonomy will have these things chopping up hapless consumers in no time. Beware!

I am but the messenger, dear reader. The robot apocalypse is coming. You have been warned.

My camera’s had this particularly annoying issue for the past few months where giant black dots appear on the image. As you can imagine, this proves problematic when I’m actually taking pictures of giant black dots. Or polkadots. Or ladybugs. You get the idea.

The issue is that, over time a digital SLR’s sensor will get dirty. Dust and pocket lint and nacho cheese will find a way to adhere itself to the electronic sensor, and these artifacts will appear in the final picture – but only in certain conditions. For example, wider apertures, like 2.8 render the dust near-invisible. But when I go to take long exposures, or use a smaller aperture – say, f/9 – years of neglect become more visible than I’d like. Which means my portraits now portray everyone as lepers. It is my own special brand of social commentary.

Cleaning the sensor is a pretty simple affair, though it is easy to fuck things up. If you damage the sensor, you now have a very expensive brick – albeit, one with an LCD screen. Things not to do include poking, scratching, scraping or licking any part of the sensor. Instead, a magic concoction, composed of pixie dust and the tears of a wronged girlfriend, must be applied liberally with a felt-tipped applicator, all purchased from your local Henrys. This will remove the year of neglect and cookie dust forced upon the poor sensor.

Today I did all these things, and I’m happy to say, I did not fuck up. In fact, you might say it was a great success, and my camera shoots like new again. Figure 1, pictured above, is a testament to this. Chloe looks pleased.

Next time, we learn how to make a camera strap from jerky – food and function.

Holy mother of Troy, it’s 2010 people! We’ve made it through another decade alive, and the ice caps are still here too. I consider that a bonus. And of course, The Not so Horrible podcast is still here as well, and we’re back for another year of talk and tech. Me and Anand are back on our game, and have some exciting things to talk about this week, INCLUDING…

• Google’s JesusPhone, the Nexus One, is set to be formally announced tomorrow. Exciting!
• CES, the Consumer Electronics Show, starts tomorrow in Las Vegas, and there’s a swath of new tech being announced.
• Groovle, a Guelph-based company, goes against Google in a battle of names, and wins.
• AT&T thinks we should all start VoIPing, and the sooner, the better.
• Microsoft’s senior staff is mostly composed of those in their 40s-50s — which some say is a bad thing, when up against the social web’s twenty-something startups.
• And finally, in our new Forward Thinking segment, we look at some of the upcoming religious-themed games being released – Dante’s Inferno and Darksiders.

Listen here, or at the Not So Much News!

Length: 36:45
Close: Rock the Jungle – Little Big Planet: Little BIG Music Musical Soundtrack
Download: 35.3 MB
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• Audio output to Logitech speakers
• DisplayPort to VGA adapter
• Logitech USB Headset
• Logitech G5 laser mouse
• There is nothing plugged into Firewire 800. Who the hell uses that, anyways?
• Cat5 ethernet cabling to router
• Power

I’ve realized two things: I miss the days of port replicators, and damn, do I ever buy a lot of Logitech products.

I bought myself a fancy Playstation Triple just before Christmas, and I couldn’t be happier. It means I’m part of this so-called next-generation of gaming, despite being nearly three years into the system’s life cycle. More importantly, it means I can stop looking at the floor when telling people I own a Wii. Bliss.

Now, Sony is a company known for being rather…proprietary. Examples include ATRAC, UMD, and everyone’s favourite, the MemoryStick. These were all technologies that, for the most part, didn’t do so well with the North American crowd. They were restrictive, tough to reverse engineer, and near useless outside of Sony’s product ecosystem.

With the Playstation 3, as far as I can tell, there’s none of that. Blu-ray notwithstanding, I can charge the controllers via USB, play certain games with a keyboard and mouse, and even use my wired Logitech USB headset in online games. There’s no proprietary cables, and no restrictive first-party accessories. If this is the future, I like it.

The inner workings of Facebook have always confused me. The social networking giant seems akin to the Keebler factory, yet with elves more sinister, and a shroud of secrecy that could rival the USSR. The cogs are always turning, and new features come frequently enough, but does anyone really know the factory works inside?

You see, Facebook has an algorithm and I have no clue what it is — a social networking question mark on par with fast food’s secret sauce.

In the olden days, we would trudge through five feet of snow just to comment on a picture, and we liked it that way. Sometimes, we would even be notified if our friends did the same. Of course, things got weird when Johny at Some University decided to comment on a picture that was three years old, because you’d be notified for that too. The powers that be decided this was weird too, and in their infinite wisdom, put an end to all those comments on the past.

The thing is, there are now some weird conditions in place that determine whether you’ll receive a notification on a picture, post or comment. For example…

• You will always receive notifications for comments on things you post.
• But after a certain period of time, comments on photos you have also commented on will no longer prompt notifications. This seems to vary depending on the number of people who have commented, the length of time since the last comment, and other variables.
• To make things more confusing, if you’re tagged in a picture, yet never comment, you seem to receive notifications regardless.

The apparent randomness of these occurrences makes me think that there may not even be an algorithm to comment notifications at all. I’ve heard rumours that Facebook staff use a brand of divination based upon cheese mold and the birthmarks found on baby kittens. It would explain a lot.

Now, this is all purely anecdotal. I’ve gone back to look at the notes and pictures of my friends from months past that have mysteriously acquired new comments – comments that I haven’t been notified for. Some of these comments have even been posted by reasonably good looking women. One might assume that Facebook’s mysterious algorithm is hindering my online relationships with the opposite sex.

But really, I just want my notifications back, and a peek at the the algorithm that makes this social beast tick. Is that too much to ask?

Only five companies have a shot at nailing the home, mobile and work hat trick, from software and hardware to internet: Apple, Microsoft, Google, Sony and Samsung. …Little companies don’t really have a shot at this level of unified, do-all gadget greatness. The age of the garage hardware start-up belongs to the web generation, not the next generation of gadget makers. Smartphones have become analogous to PCs of the ’90s. There’s little room for a new PC platform to come online, but a vast potential space for start-ups to use the big platforms as a springboard with new accessories and software.

Via Gizmodo’s Brian Lam

This. This is the last decade in a nutshell. I’ve never actually seen this phrased so succinctly, but damn, is it ever true. The business world sees it to. When was the last time you saw a major new hardware manufacturer put out an IPO? Arguably the biggest market entry of the past decade was Google, and they’re a software company. Now there’s rumours of Facebook, Twitter and Skype all joining the foray soon enough. These are companies with next to no physical presence. They exist virtually. And in the next decade, they’re the ones that will continue to shape and define the offline world more than we could have ever imagined.

Bring it on.

• Weight. You will gain it. This is inevitable, much like the sunrise, city traffic, and bad haircuts. In fact, this is the time of year during which you will probably gain the most weight. After starving yourself for a solid week, and then fainting during your first Pro Fitness trial membership visit, food will cease to be optional. Enjoy it. Lots of it.
• Money. You might decide that this is the year to stop spending money so carelessly. You will think this is a novel idea, and text all your friends the glorious news. At 15 cents per message. Whoops.
• Sports. We live in Canada. This time of year is generally called “Winter”. It is the time of year when snow covers the ground, the wind cuts like razor blades, and people toboggan drunk down hills in cardboard boxes. Inexplicably, it is also a time during which a surprisingly large amount of Canadians decide to take up traditional “summer” sports, like golf, basbeall, and competitive table tennis. Icicles dangling from my beard, be damned — real character is built on the iceflows of our streets, and in the snowdrifts of our parks.
• Literature. Somehow, amidst the drunken revelry and ponging of beer, you will decide that you miss the smell of a musty old book. Perusing Hello Canada and Archie comics at the grocery checkout is no longer cutting it. However, now might be a good time to mention that Homer’s Odyssey is not, in fact, an anthology of Simpson’s episodes.
• Music. By some strange stroke of fate, you are entranced by the Black Eyed Peas’ new years performance. Nevermind that Fergie is cosplaying as Wolverine — there is clearly nothing cooler than becoming a musical artist. You will buy a guitar, which is doomed to lie beneath your bed, hidden away until you finish college. You will learn one chord, and break a string. This is living the dream.
• Women. Each new year brings with it the foolish assumption that the arbitrary turning of a calendar page increases your chance of finding a mate. Perhaps, you think, this is the year that Sally Mathers in the third row of PHL-322 will finally talk to you. However, a woman’s memory lasts longer than 365 days. That time you spilled Dr. Pepper on her notes is forever. No passage of time will change that. This, nor any other, is “the year” you will finally find a woman.

That is all. Heed my advice. Happy decade.

There are so many characters in Final Fantasy XIII that you will lose track of their names within the first twenty minutes. People are introduced, speak lines of importance, and die at a fluid pace. Soon, the game falls victim to “Star Wars Action Figure Syndrome.” I just made that up: You know those aliens in the “cantina scene” of the original “Star Wars” film? They never tell you those characters’ names, though they sure as hell sold action figures of nearly every one of them, and all those action figures had names. The action figures, in fact, were the only way to learn the names of those characters. Final Fantasy XIII does a lot of things like that, all over the place.

Via Kotaku.

This is it, people! The last episode of Oh-Nine! Me and Tony Stark will be taking the next week off, which means that this episode is closing down the first decade of the millenium. Will the next decade be just as magical? I do hope so. I figure it’s only a matter of time before we start doing these episodes in our flying cars, while robots cleanse our feet.

Oh, the possibilities.

And because we know you folks love surprises, we’ve brought resident curmudgeon Matt Demers back on the show, dropping knowledge and dashing good looks. This episode takes us all over the place, from phones to films, and you know it’s going to be a good time. So gather ’round the fire, roast some chestnuts and give us a listen while you await the most commercialized morning of the year. So concludes year one of the Not So Horrible Podcast!

Length: 40:39
Close: I Slept With The Bonhomme At The CBC – Broken Social Scene
Download: 39.0 MB
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Holy deep-fried bacon, we’re at the end of 2009! This means it’s probably time to change my furnace filter, and that box of baking soda in the fridge too. And have you smelled Anand‘s loincloth lately? But more applicable to you, it’s our YEAR IN REVIEW. I even made a rhyme, just for the occasion. Respect.

It’s that time of year where we look at all the nice and nerdy things that have crossed our respective desks/hovels and tell you why we think they’re awesome. And more importantly, why you should think they’re awesome. Because our word is law around here. This means that we’ve taken a nice little cross-section of our usual talk and packaged it into a little “best of” for your listening pleasure. Our top picks for this year include:

• Games!
• Applications and software!
• Movies!
• Television!
• Film soundtracks!
• And, of course, gadgets! And technological awesomeness from the year past.

It’s definitely one of our longer ‘casts, and it’s packed with some nerdy goodness the whole family can enjoy. So take a listen, and maybe you’ll agree! Because if you disagree, we’ve got a different sort of present waiting in that dark alley beside your house. Right Vinny?

Length: 38:41
Close: Bits and Pieces – Martin O’Donnell and Michael Salvatori (Halo 3: ODST)
Download: 37.2 MB
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Friends! Enemies! Frienemies! Unless you have been living under a rock, or a similarly sized object of great girth and weight, you may have noticed that THE HOLIDAY SEASON IS NIGH. Specifically, Christmas, the day upon which we worship presents in mangers, wrapped in swaddling clothes. I believe this is how the story is told, but correct me if I am wrong.

Today’s episode is a lot like our Back-to-school Consumer Spectacular from all those weeks ago. It means that we at the Not So Horrible podcast embrace this culture of rampant spending, and explore the holiday season’s hottest gadgets — all for you, dear listener. While we obviously can’t cover everything, we’ve picked a few of our favourite gadgets, and a few of our favourite products, and aim to clear up the FUD surrounding them all. Things in this week’s super special, not-at-all blasphemous holiday special include…

• The Amazon Kindle, baby. The undoubted king of eBook readers these days has finally made its way to our igloos, and we give you the rundown on what to expect from this slick e-reading device.
• The Sony Reader. To balance things out, we discuss the most formidable challenger to King Kindle this holiday season, and whether the device is worth a few Benjamins.
• Televisions, people. We talk LCDs, Plasmas, and everything in between, giving you the lowdown on what contrast ratio means, and whether 240 really hertz.
• Microphones. You want to record your own podcast? We’ve got you covered, with some basic tips. Also, we give you a few pointers on what we’re using at home each week.
• Speakers. I’m in the market for a new set of speakers. The ‘cast looks at Logitech’s current offerings and what I think of each.
• And finally, What We Did This Week returns once again, with Anand rubbing his grubby paws all over Rim’s new Blackberry Storm 2, while I tap my way through the Legend of Zelda, Spirit Tracks.

It’s a heck of a podcast, and we sure hope you enjoy it as much as we did. We can’t promise any advice of biblical proportions, but we do offer just enough tips to make your trip into the electronics section that much easier. Without all that north star business, too.

Listen here, or at the Not So Much News!

Length: 39:34
Close: Kalimba – Mr. Scruff
Download: 38.0 MB
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Can you believe it people? Can you believe that me and Anand have spent twenty weeks making this podcast? That’s over four months. Four glorious months of tech, toys and talk, with a little bit of a laughter, and a little bit of stupid, all mixed in for good measure. Madness.

A lot’s changed since the beginning. We’ve had good mics, bad mics, echo, buzz, fuzz, and ever possible audio disaster you can imagine. But through it all we’ve managed to produce some quality content, assuming you think Simpson’s references and Woody Allen impressions pass for “quality” these days.

But otherwise, it’s business as usual around these parts. Things you’ll hear this week include…

• A sappy retrospective, where we inflate each others’ egos while reminiscing about podcasts past
• The Playstation Network decides to do what it said it would  never — go premium
• Youtube’s pulling the plug on TV support — a generation of couch potatoes collectively cry
• What we did this week: Anand’s In Orbit again, while I try out LittleBigPlanet for the PSP

Length: 37:25
Close: Earth – Jesper Kyd / Assassin’s Creed 2 OST
Download: 35.9 MB
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In what is probably a blow to my manliness, I’m a pretty big Coldplay fan. Things have become so bad that I wear green flannel and chop down trees while listening to the British four-piece, just to keep my innate gruffness in check. It probably doesn’t help my middle name is Martin, either.

Yet, during one of my more recent Coldplay binges — each song followed with a shot of manly whiskey, no less — I came upon a startling realization. The Coldplay of today is not the Coldplay of yesterday. Stunning, right? I’m expecting a gold star for this startling discovery in the mail any day now. But while every band obviously goes through some sort of transformation — a distinct evolution throughout their careers — Coldplay’s strikes me as particularly strange.

You see, Coldplay was once a band that had actual guitars involved in the song-making process. And I’m not talking about a half-hearted, Talk-style solo. These were full-fledged riffs that actually went somewhere musically, and more importantly, carried the song. Maybe even a little bass, that actually deviated from the chords in play. Today, we get a whole bunch of strings, an overabundance of keys, and a couple of band members wondering how long it’ll be until they have to learn the glockenspiel.

It’s a far cry from the early days, no doubt — just ask Bigger Stronger.

Maybe this is just the irritated rant of a fan who loved Parachutes and A Rush of Blood to the Head oh-so much. There was something about the mix of guitar and piano that was different at the time — sappy, perhaps, but catchy. And that mix has arguably made Coldplay one of the biggest bands in the world.

Just a band with a little less guitar.

Now, to never speak of this forbidden fandom again; I’ve got some power tools to clean.

But sound don’t mean nothing if we can’t give you the warm, gooey content you expect. What’s on tap this week?

• Me and Anand are doing the Queen Wave, and try to make sense of Google’s newest web service
• LISTEN as Anand gushes over his newest tech toy! MARVEL at the perfectly-tuned treble and bass!
• A moment of silence for Joss Whedon’s latest network television tombstone
• We debate the finer points of couch syrup remedies –  chloroform and ammonium chlorate come along for the ride!
• ChromeOS source code lands on PC’s everywhere, and I take it for a visualized spin
• And, in a new weekly feature, me and Anand tell YOU what WE did this WEEK!

You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll want to take it to lunch. It’s the new and improved Not So Horrible Podcast.

Length: 37:03
Close: Everything You Do Is A Balloon – Boards of Canada
Download: 35.6 MB
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